[unedited, raw, vulnerable]
If you’re like most of us, you want to believe that as soon as you resolve to do something – especially something you desperately want – your life will magically change if you just put forth a little effort, determination and grit.
We’re taught that we can accomplish everything we set our minds to.
So many of us believe that letting go of what we no longer want in our lives is a testament to our willpower – and if we fail, it’s a testament to our lack thereof.
Sometimes we even blame the people in our lives (or the functions that take up our time, like our jobs) for why we don’t accomplish what we set out to experience for ourselves.
You cling to the hope that this year will be different.
It will be different!
“It has to be,” is a phrase I remember saying frequently throughout my life. “Something has to change, I can’t live like this.”
And so you begin the year making the same resolutions from years’ past, still full of the same “new hope” that the dawn of a new year brings and all the while believing this year will be different.
But the problem is not that we lack the dream of things being different; we have the dream clearly in focus. It’s not even that we lack the grit to get it done; we are strong beyond measure.
The problem is that we lack an understanding of what truly needs to change to experience this difference. And the change happens from within.
You see, it’s about connecting with the reasons we got to this place where “things need to change” to begin with and resolving to seek out the people who can help us heal the associated energy – and I don’t mean a psychologist or a personal trainer.
Throughout the course of my life I’ve had many things I wanted to change – many addictions to overcome – many dreams for a new year that looks and feels drastically different from years’ past.
Even as I write this, I’ve let go of my addiction to wine and realized that I’ve replaced it for chocolate – a new craving, a new escape – and one that slipped in to replace the wine that left.
The slight-of-hand happened almost without me noticing.
Since I’m a teacher of this stuff and so attuned to the way my mind processes fear (with addictions, withdrawals and escapes), I realize there’s just another layer of my energetic onion that revealed itself, another opportunity to grow more, share more and heal more.
It’s easy to replace our addictions with another addiction rather than heal the energy associated with why we needed the addiction to begin with.
For me, my addictions started around the age of five with my addiction to chasing after my parent’s love. That’s also when my addiction to being perfect began and when I started wrapping my self-confidence, self-love and self-worth up in what other people thought of me.
When I was a “perfect” five year old – not making anyone angry, not having wants/needs of my own, not asking for too much – I got love, attention and affection. When I was not perfect, I lost love, attention and affection.
It’s no surprise that’s also when my fear of losing love began and the fear that I was not enough.
And because I never learned how to love myself, I began to look for love, comfort and security in all the wrong places. Since I never learned a healthy way to comfort and soothe myself or process my feelings – good or bad – I learned how to escape them, withdrawal from others, numb it all out.
At the age of five, my spiritual-self started to split from my physical body. For many, the split begins around the same age.
As a little girl I realized it was not safe to live in a place of trust, faith and surrender (spirituality).
It was safer to live in a place of fear, lack and loss.
It was safer to chase love rather than trust it was always there.
It was safer to stuff down my feelings and quiet my voice, rather than have faith in my truth and trust that my voice mattered, my feelings were important, they were beautiful – I was beautiful and I mattered.
And it was safer to try to control every experience in my life rather than surrender to everything happening the way it was supposed to. My control showed up in my addictions and the types of dysfunctional relationships I entered into – the types of patterns I had and partners I chose – partners who had their own addictions, which was the only way I could keep mine.
When our spiritual-selves break away from our physical bodies, we lose the ability to truly heal from the inside out.
We lose the ability to trust the process of life, have faith in the outcomes and truly surrender and let go of what no longer serves us.
The truth is, we still need that which we no longer want.
We may successfully heal the outer body, but when the inner body (the spirit) is still broken or disconnected, we will fail at our resolutions to change.
. . . Still needing that which we no longer want.
The good news is that we can heal our spirits and our energy and, in doing so, change our life.
There are ways we can reprogram our energetic bodies even if our minds will always remember the old threats.
There are ways to break the cords to the energy that still whispers (or screams!): you aren’t good enough, brave enough, considerate enough, beautiful enough or perfect enough.
We can release the old energy – the energy that no longer serves us – and make room for the new energy . . . and the life we want to experience.
Once we do, we will no longer need that which we don’t want.
We will be free to release the old and make room in our energetic and physical bodies for the new.
And the change isn’t as hard as you think.
Change begins when you acknowledge that for “success” to be obtained, you need to start in the right place – with your energy. If you start anywhere else, you will be setting yourself up for failure.
START WITH YOUR ENERGY
We think that a resolution begins with the body — with taking action — but it doesn’t.
Change begins with the Spirit – the energetic body – and our minds and our physical bodies follow.
The only way to successfully change the parts of our lives we no longer wish to experience is to bring ourselves into full alignment – Mind, Body Spirit. And this idea isn’t as esoteric as it seems.
Know that as you successfully heal one addiction/dysfunction, another will show itself – that’s the nature of healing, growing and evolving. It’s also the beauty of it. As you heal these layers, you attract in people who don’t have the same addictions and dysfunctions you needed them to have before.
FACE YOUR ADDICTIONS
Many of us have addictions and those addictions show up in different ways with varying levels of effect on our lives.
Some of us have paralyzing addictions that dramatically affect our lives and others of us have addictions we can hide or addictions that only affect the way we treat ourselves (which totally affects how we treat others).
The truth is, as much as we want a difference in our experience of life, we are often addicted to our misery and addicted to the lack of satisfaction we experience.
Somehow, it’s safe in its familiarity.
Our mind knows exactly how to respond as it can predict the unhappiness we will feel and there is great comfort found in what is predictable. And we get to continue to run the same scripts we’ve always run – we don’t have to change.
My unhealthy addictions started at the age of five with chasing after love – deathly afraid love would leave me.
Smoking cigarettes began around 12.
Smoking pot began around 12 or 13.
And at the age of 14 I was a crystal methamphetamine addict and addicted to unhealthy relationships with men.
I had sex with and dated men who were significantly older than me.
Always searching, always hoping, to be loved.
At the age of 17 I overcame my addiction to crystal methamphetamine and turned it into an addiction to alcohol–wine more specifically. I also developed an addiction to television and the escape it offered me from my reality.
Some of my favorite and most cherished childhood memories included evenings with my father, and the feeling like I could not get closer to him than on nights when we were sitting on the couch together – drinking wine, smoking cigarettes, smoking pot and talking about the problems in the world, our lives and escaping into our addictions together.
We were good at escaping together, masters really.
And, those times when we were escaping together – those were the moments when I felt most loved, most connected, most safe and the happiest. (I sometimes still miss those times.)
If we have addictions and we cannot break through the energy associated with our addictions, then our attempts to change will be futile. We will fail.
Our experience of life will continue to be the same, even if we change out the cast of characters (people, places or things).
Even now, addiction continues to be how my mind wants to cope with a threat or a perceived threat – and that may never change.
I am programmed this way.
What’s different now is my ability to accept my programming – recognize when I’m being triggered – and realize that I can choose to step into the fear and work to release the energy or I can choose to hide from it.
I also doubt there will be a day when I am “addiction free”.
Addictions are like cockroaches or mice. They sometimes have a way of sneaking back in – no matter how much you try to exterminate them or plug up the holes. When the weather gets cold, or cracks in your foundation emerge – they can creep back in. It’s the nature of being a spiritual being in a human body and living among others, dealing with human problems.
Living can wear down even the strongest spirit, which is why the ONLY way to create lasting change is to release and heal the old energy so that when “life happens”, you can always find your way back to yourself.
Energy healing allows you to easily recognize when you have a “creeper” and you can heal it pretty quickly – before your addiction takes back over.
Energy healing works because you no longer have a connection to needing what you don’t want.
Your energy doesn’t need it anymore. It’s just your mind that’s craving it and you can to learn methods to soothe and comfort your mind.
HEAL YOUR SPIRIT AND YOUR MIND AND BODY WILL FOLLOW
Most of us are focused on changing the body or the external people/forces around us. But what if I told you that when you heal your spirit, your mind and body will follow?
Five years ago if you would have told me the same thing, I wouldn’t have believed you – nor would I have understood what “healing the spirit” really means or what it looks like or feels like in action.
I was leaving a broken marriage with a 10-month baby, still nursing a hidden cigarette habit, re-engaging my alcohol habit, continuing to disconnect with the alternative reality of TV and still chasing after love in every bastardized form it would show itself.
Feeling empty with no real idea of how to fill myself up.
No clue how to feel happy or loved – wanted or worthy.
But, today I know exactly what “healing the spirit” looks like and feels like.
When I left my marriage on December 22, 2012, I could never have imagined how much I needed to heal and grow. But grow and heal I did. I sought out spiritual advisors who helped me on my journey.
Up until this point, I had spent much of my life in weekly therapy visits and finally I realized that traditional counseling wasn’t working to actually heal me. And damn it, I wanted to heal.
I didn’t want another loveless, empty and unhealthy relationship.
I didn’t want more addictions or for the addictions I already had to take over my life.
I wanted to learn how to be the best mother I could be and I didn’t know how to be that kind of mom – I didn’t even know what it looked like or felt like.
I wanted to learn how to break the cycle of dysfunction.
I wanted to learn how to love myself. And for the first time in my life, I was ready to be happy.
Counseling wasn’t teaching me how to change any of that nor how to be happy.
I wanted to heal my inner child, my inner body, my spiritual body. I wanted to heal the places within me that needed to feel pain in order to feel loved.
So I sought out energy work.
And it worked. Brilliantly, poignantly and beautifully.
And my mind and body followed.
I’ll never forget the day when I looked in the mirror and saw six-pack abs staring back at me. I was so shocked!
I hadn’t been working out. The only thing I committed to doing was Kundalini Yoga every morning to help me continue to heal my Spirit and learn ways to stay connected to myself. Kundalini is part yoga, part mediation and part mantra.
“How could I have six pack abs?”, I remember thinking. “I’ve only been doing Kundalini yoga, which really feels more like a meditation, every morning for the last 45 days. I’ve only been focused on healing my Spirit and maintaining my connection to myself. How can my body change? And why have my addictions been so easy to let go of? Why don’t I miss them?”
As I healed my spirit, my mind and body followed.
All of the irrational fears I lived with most of my life started to disappear.
I still get scared sometimes, but I’m able to recognize my fears and go into the meditative space I now teach people how to find – and move through the fear.
I no longer chase after love.
I no longer chase after bad treatment just for an ounce of any kind of treatment.
I no longer have addictions that rule my life.
I no longer feel the need to disconnect and withdrawal from others.
I now stay connected to myself – no matter what kind of chaos is happening around me, and no matter what kind of negative energy is near.
Now I’m strong enough and healthy enough to teach others all the same things that I learned along my journey.
Now I’m able to show people that our lives and our pain is purposeful and that there’s a reason our journeys have been what they’ve been; our journeys have prepared us for our futures and our purpose.
Now I have the honor of teaching and inspiring others – not as a guru living in a castle on a hill – but as a fellow traveler. As a person who has had a hard life and miraculously overcome the upbringing and conditioning that should have broke me – and isn’t afraid to share the journey, the pain, the healing and the love with others.
ENERGY HEALING & SPIRITUAL MEDIATION
Little did I know when I started my journey of learning to love myself that I would one day find the courage to live my purpose and develop the skills to continue healing myself and truly healing others. With almost 39 years of wisdom and lifetimes of learning and healing, my purpose as an author, The Spiritual Mediator, and Founder/CEO of Teaching the World to Love was born.
And it’s all because I trusted one woman, a spiritual advisor, to start working with my energy and teaching me how to begin clearing the energy from my past and making room for the new kind of life I wanted to experience.
Trusting her was one of the best decision I’ve ever made in my life.
From the first meeting with my new spiritual advisor I began to feel the shifts in my energy and most important: For the first time in my life, I had a person who understood me and someone who was just as committed to me healing as I was.
She was the first person in my life who wanted the best for me and had the skills to help me achieve the best.
Together we created a laser-focused path to healing.
My counseling sessions were no longer about me talking about my pain but rather they were about me expressing my feelings/reactions/triggers/pain so that together we could move the energy associated with the feelings — and get it out.
I was no longer a participant in talk-therapy but rather a participant in change-therapy and I was seeing myself change and feeling myself change.
I was rising.
Today I can say that I have successfully given up all connections to dysfunctional relationships, dysfunctional addictions, dysfunctional habits and the dysfunctional need to make myself small — the dysfunctional need to fail so that others can “succeed”.
I successfully learned how to love myself, honor myself and treat myself like I am worthy of being loved.
It’s strange sometimes because when I come up on situations that used to trigger all of my fears and insecurities, I watch myself not feel triggered.
I watch myself, not feel the need to react.
And I watch myself, watching myself in amazement. It’s almost like an out-of-body experience.
My mind remembers how I used to react, but my body no longer needs to follow.
My spirit is now taking the lead in my life and my spirit knows I am safe, I am whole, I am beautiful, I am powerful, I am loved beyond measure and I’ll be okay — no matter what.
I no longer have energetic need nor room for the negativity and dysfunction and thus, it no longer attaches to my spirit and to my experience of life.
I no longer need it to stay “safe”.
I still have people in my life who try to play on my same old triggers to get their needs met (you know, those folks who will always be a part of your life — family, ex-family if there are babies involved, etc) and I watch myself as I no longer feel compelled to react to their attempts to trigger me and get their needs met.
There is no more room in my body for their darkness.
There is only light.
I watch myself have gratitude for the moments when I am being triggered because now rather than these moments being a drain or a source of pain, anger, fear, insecurity or discomfort — I see them as my sources of light — guiding me deeper into my conviction and closer to myself.
I use these opportunities to stand stronger in my truth, in my essence which is compassionate light and in my ability to love all people — even those who do things that hurt me.
And the best part: I have become the kind of mother I never even knew possible.
Before I left my marriage and began on this journey of healing, I loved my son in the way I was taught to love.
It was a love that was burdensome, it was heavy, it was full of obligation and it was fleeting.
The love was there when I had enough to give him and he was burden when I didn’t have enough.
I cry as I write this because it still hurts to remember how incapable I was of loving him without conditions.
My own son.
But I didn’t know how to love more.
I had no model, no room — no capacity — to take in any more energy and I had no idea how to create a life for him that was different from my life growing up.
I had the same addictions my parents unintentionally passed on to me.
I had the same need to escape and withdraw.
And I had the same inabilities to know how to take care of myself and love myself. I was raising a little person who would grow up to be a big person who was just as troubled and as broken as me.
But as I began to do this healing energy work and as I began to process my life and my relationship to my life differently . . . I learned how to be the best mother I’ve ever known.
As I began taking care of myself and loving myself . . . I learned that I could love my son — and all others — with a deeper, more meaningful kind of love.
I learned that I could honor my little baby boy — honor his voice, honor his need to have his own feelings and his intrinsic desire to share his feelings with the one person in the world he should be safe with and able to trust.
And as I began healing my own inner wounds — and letting go of the energy associated with those wounds — I had room for my son, his needs, his longing to love and be loved without conditions.
And damn it, I had room for my desire to meet his needs and receive his teachings of unconditional love.
By clearing out my old childhood energy, I learned how to love my son out of desire rather than out of obligation.
I learned how to honor my humanness as a woman, a mother and a spiritual warrior. I learned how to comfort and soothe myself and I learned how to stay connected to myself so that I could always stay connected to him.
I learned all the reasons why I spent my life placing conditions on the love I gave and predicating it based on the love I received.
And I learned how to let it all go so that I could let in the life I wanted to lead and the kind of love I wanted to give and receive.
LETTING GO is about saying goodbye to people, places and things.
HEALING is about understanding why we needed those experiences to begin with and then releasing those needs.
HOW TO START SHIFTING YOUR ENERGY FOR PERMANENT CHANGE
Permanent change requires conviction, not just intent.
Intention carries the energy of putting out there what you want (e.g. an idea) and conviction has the energy of effort and determination in seeing your intention through.
Intention without conviction will result in a failure to create and a failure to manifest.
When we become convicted about an idea or a concept, there is little that will take us away from it.
For example, if you believe in equality for all and you are passionately convicted about the idea . . . there is nothing that will sway you from your conviction and no one who can convince you that should vote to deny people basic human rights.
Your conviction to your idea or your belief drives your behaviors.
The problem is that so many of us don’t see our own selves as people who are worthy of protecting, defending and fighting for.
We fight for every else’s rights, but it is hard for us to fight for our own.
And generally this is not because we don’t endeavor to take care of ourselves, it’s often because we just don’t know all the ways in which we are not taking care of ourselves nor do we know all that is possible.
I always say: if we knew more, we would do more.
We are also not usually surrounded by other elevated souls and so it’s hard to elevate when you have people around you who are either pulling your energy down or don’t know how to support your rise (remember we are typically surrounded with people who have dysfunctions similar to our own — it was familiar and how we stayed “safe”).
Consider: If your energy vibrates at a low level it will naturally connect with others who are also vibrating at low levels.
However, if your energy is vibrating at a higher level then those who are vibrating at low levels don’t really affect you. Their presence becomes like a fruit fly — you’ll want to bat it away.
Permanent change also requires at least one person who believes in you and has the skills to move your energy, expand your awareness and walk you through how to heal yourself.
If you’re looking for change and you are ready to have it, finding a good spiritual advisor or spiritual mediator will be invaluable.
Sometimes they can be rather expensive but sometimes they also do their expansion and healing work for free. Often times you can find group classes or group sessions that will also reduce the cost. There are even free Facebook groups dedicated to helping people rise, heal and ascend.
You’ll know when you find someone whose energy resonates with you.
Ideally, this person will also vibrate high in the work they do with you, meaning they are inspirational to you or offer information that inspires you.
You may feel your heart expand or you may feel like this person intuitively “gets you”.
Maybe this person inspires a renewed interest within you to understand more, heal more, grow more.
Perhaps this person says something, shares a thought or a feeling that helps you to feel more expansive, less stuck.
Or perhaps it’s as simple as this person giving you an alternative viewpoint to consider — offering information you haven’t heard before or offering information that all of a sudden resonates.
The options are limitless but you can trust this: If you feel expansive at the thought of following this person or working with them (even if you’re a bit nervous). . . chances are good it’s the right path for you (that expansive feeling is usually our intuitive voice giving us its directional blessing).
Whatever you choose, just know that resolving to make changes is not enough to actually cement the changes into your permanent reality.
Permanent change must include removing the old energy so that the new energy has room to expand.
May you expand as wide as the sunset and feel as free as the sea.
I believe in everything amazing for you.
Here’s to expanding in love and light and realizing that there is meaning in everything and everyone.
If anything I’ve said resonates with you, I’d love to work with you and be the person you trust to help heal you.
With love, light and gratitude,
Christina Renée Joubert, The Spiritual Mediator